you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
