There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
