i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
