Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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