He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
