i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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