I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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