I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
