if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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