i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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