Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
