You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
