My balls are so social today.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
