yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
