Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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