I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
