tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
