help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
