you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
