I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
