A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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