We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
