is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize