I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
