I'm gonna have a badass scar
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
