I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
