Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize