Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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