i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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