shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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