I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
