i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
