eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
