Porn is love you can see.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
