I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
