So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
