9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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