Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
