I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
