she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
