i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
