I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
