Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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