i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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