i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
