I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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