Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
