Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
