at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
