they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
