Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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