can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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