I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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