Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
