it's like iHOP with fire
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
