Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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