Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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