I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
