everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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