Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
