You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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