I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
