hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
