Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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