our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
