Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she woke up with a sticky ear
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
