piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
