we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
